


my heart is wrapped in barbed wire (your soul is dyed black)

by almnd_mlk



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hinata Shouyou as the Sin of Lust, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by the Seven Deadly Sins, Kageyama Tobio as the Sin of Wrath, M/M, Miya Atsumu as the Sin of Pride, Seven Deadly Sins, Sorry Not Sorry, not explicitly adressed but present, shouyou would rather have atsumu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 09:42:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29524515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/almnd_mlk/pseuds/almnd_mlk
Summary: Love has always been and will always be, a word people use more than they actually feel.It isn’t the end of the world though, not loving. Wanting someone perpetually is immeasurably better than loving them fleetingly.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Hinata Shouyou/Miya Atsumu
Comments: 2
Kudos: 34





	my heart is wrapped in barbed wire (your soul is dyed black)

**Author's Note:**

> bonjour mon ami, i'm here with a small drabble. this fic was more of an experiment than anything else, I just wanted to get some words down and this happened. 
> 
> the concept of the seven deadly sins just will not leave me alone but I'm not an advanced enough writer to really come up with a story for said concept. if you have an idea or would like to bounce ideas off of me, please feel free to do so, my twitter will be in the end notes.
> 
> there isn't any specific direction for this piece but I hope you enjoy.

Shouyou falls on his back, chest heaving with his dense breaths. He brings an arm up, laying it over his eyes. Kageyama shifts beside him and Shouyou wonders if he should get up to bring something to clean the both of them. 

Aftercare isn’t really his thing though. That isn’t about to change now. 

As his breathing evens out, he feels Kageyama’s gaze fall on him— eyes boring holes into the side of Shouyou’s face. He’s tempted to ignore it. Kageyama and his temper isn’t something Shouyou likes to deal with, especially after sex. 

Honestly, he wouldn’t even be here right now if it wasn’t for the fact that Kageyama made for a good fuck. 

He could leave. It’s not like Shouyou ever sticks around to cuddle. He could call Atsumu, see what he’s up to. Maybe they could go for a few rounds. Atsumu is always up for sex and their combined stamina works wonders in bed. 

Shouyou entertains the train of thought for a few seconds before dismissing it. Walking out now will only serve to stir Kageyama’s anger. 

Sighing softly, he decides he might as well address whatever it is Kageyama seems determined to communicate through his aggressive staring. 

“What?” 

Kageyama doesn’t miss a beat. “Nothing.”

… Seriously?

Shouyou isn’t here to play therapist and get Kageyama to talk. He doesn’t have the patience for that nor does he particularly want to deal with whatever this is. 

Holding back another sigh, he decides to push a little more, as a small token of appreciation since Kageyama does indulge Shouyou a lot. He bites and growls but gets naked all the same. Shouyou wants and Kageyama gives— when he’s not too busy cursing at whoever has caught the sharp end of his rage. 

“Just say what you want to say.” Shouyou keeps his tone carefully neutral. Letting his annoyance show will only set Kageyama off and he _definitely does not_ have the tolerance to talk down a vexed Kageyama. 

There’s a moment of silence where Shouyou thinks Kageyama isn’t going to say anything. He can’t see Kageyama’s expression with his forearm still resting over his eyes but he can guess it’s sporting a scowl. 

“Miya and I talked the other day.” Kageyama finally says. 

Huh. That’s not what Shouyou was expecting. 

Kageyama and Atsumu get along about as well as oil in water. Kageyama’s burning hatred for the other man is a palpable tension whenever the two are in each other’s vicinity. Atsumu's obvious dismissal of Kageyama’s feelings towards him only seems to infuriate Kageyama further. 

Shouyou finds it inane. Atsumu has never, and will never, care about what other people think or feel towards him. Kageyama’s endless rage would find a more responsive target in a teacup, for all the reaction he’s gotten out of Atsumu. 

However rash Kageyama’s loathing may be, it’s not hard to justify. Atsumu and his ego are rarely well-liked. Kageyama is hardly the first to hold contempt towards him, the only difference being that Kageyama’s hatred reaches near-obsessive levels. It’s understandable, Shouyou supposes, seeing as Atsumu has almost everything Kageyama does not. 

One of those things being Shouyou himself. 

“You… talked.” He parrots back carefully, trying to make sense of the statement.

Lowering his arm, Shouyou shifts his head to see Kageyama staring at the ceiling. Kageyama says nothing for a while and Shouyou is just about to repeat himself when Kageyama turns away from him. With his back to Shouyou, he asks, “Do you love him?” 

Shouyou almost groans in exasperation once the words sink in. He doesn’t want to have this conversation. He doesn’t want to have _any_ kind of conversation with Kageyama regarding Atsumu. This is hardly the first time this has come up and Shouyou knows it won’t be the last. Kageyama has been fixated on Shouyou and Atsumu’s relationship since high school and it’s _aggravating_. 

He should’ve left earlier. 

“Why is that any of your concern?” Shouyou says drily. 

Kageyama stills and Shouyou doesn’t need to look at him to know there’s a thunderous expression on his face. 

“That’s not a no.”

“It’s not a yes either.” 

“You're deflecting.” 

Shouyou doesn’t bother responding to that. He’s avoiding giving an explicit answer because he doesn’t have one. 

“You can’t love him. _You don’t love_.”

He takes a minute to think about that. Kageyama isn’t necessarily _wrong_. Shouyou really isn’t inclined to feel love, it’s not in his nature. 

Love has always been and will always be, a word people use more than they actually feel. Tossed around and used to placate.

The way ‘I’m sorry’ has lost all meaning, ‘I love you’ has become a trivial sentence. Three words, eight letters— nothing more, nothing less. It carries no weight. 

So no, Shouyou doesn’t love.

The thing is though, Atsumu doesn’t either. His pride would never let him waste time on such a fickle thing. 

It’s hard to explain. Shouyou and Atsumu don’t love but love encompasses desire, and desire, well… they both feel desire in spades. Shouyou is lustful when it comes to almost every aspect of his life and Atsumu happens to be on the receiving end of the majority of it. 

“It’s complicated.” Shouyou finally settles on. An answer but not at the same time. Kageyama is still turned away from him and Shouyou ponders on why he’s still here. When’s the last time he spent more than five minutes with someone after sex? Shouyou can’t remember. 

“You just want to sleep with him don’t you.” 

It’s an accusation and, under normal circumstances, it would be a correct one. Now, however, thinking about Atsumu as nothing but a means of pleasure settles uncomfortably over Shouyou. 

“I want _him_.” He admits— or corrects. Maybe both.

“There’s no difference.” Comes the clipped reply. 

There’s a world of difference— an entire _universe_ of difference— but that’s not something Kageyama would ever understand. 

Shouyou _wants_ Atsumu. Yearns for him beyond the boundaries of sexual craving. It's an attraction. Want and need. Pure, unfiltered, craving. Consuming. Raging. An inferno that swallows everything in its path and leaves behind nothing but ashes. 

It makes Shouyou burn. _Atsumu_ makes Shouyou burn. 

That’s not something Shouyou will ever be able to convey through mere words. Especially not to Kageyama, who spends a majority of his time consumed in his own ire. 

Shouyou must have been in his head for too long because Kageyama’s next words bring his thoughts to a screeching halt. 

“You know he’ll never love you right? His soul is practically black” 

_If his soul is black then mine is wrapped in barbed wire._

There’s a bite in his tone that Shouyou is intimately familiar with— Kageyama’s wrath always rears its ugly head at any given moment. 

Once again, he’s not wrong. Atsumu cares about nothing and no one but himself. He doesn’t give anyone or anything the time of day unless it benefits him. 

When Shouyou shows up on Atsumu’s radar, it’s because Atsumu wishes to use him for something. Once that ‘something’ is over and done with, Atsumu will walk away without a second thought. 

Shouyou doesn’t think any of that matters though. 

It can’t matter if he doesn’t care. 

It can’t matter when Shouyou would just as easily leave Atsumu behind. 

Atsumu doesn’t have to love him. All Atsumu has to do is want him. Which isn’t a problem considering Shouyou knows Atsumu wants just as much as Shouyou does. 

Unlike love, lust can always be reciprocated.

“What are you actually trying to say Kageyama?” He decides to ask, already aware he won’t receive any acknowledgment.

Shouyou knows Kageyama has complicated feelings towards him and Atsumu both. He practically attacked them when he found out they had a relationship— a convoluted relationship but a relationship nonetheless. 

It’s funny that Kageyama is going on about Shouyou and Atsumu not loving each other when he can’t love either. 

They all have their own dispositions and attachment doesn’t work for any of them. 

It isn’t the end of the world though, not loving. Wanting someone perpetually is immeasurably better than loving them fleetingly. 

“What exactly about that prideful bastard is _appealing_ to you?” The scorn in Kageyama’s voice is unmistakable. 

Shouyou almost snaps. 

_If you accomplished half of the things he has, wouldn’t you be proud of yourself too?_

Despite the poisonous words lingering on the tip of his tongue, he keeps his composure. Years of experience have taught him that Kageyama will use any emotion Shouyou shows, any hitch of breath, any _movement_ , as a chance to vent his own resentment. It’s like he’s always looking for the opportunity to blow up. 

It’s exhausting. 

They can’t do this anymore. This dance with each other where Kageyama pretends he doesn’t feel something for Shouyou, and Shouyou only pays attention to him when he’s between Kageyama’s legs. He made his choice a long time ago but hadn’t been disposed to follow through— until now that is.

Shouyou would rather have Atsumu’s pride than Kageyama’s wrath.

“I’m done,” Shouyou says with finality. 

_I’m done with this._

_I’m done with you._

_I’m done with us._

Kageyama sits up so fast, Shouyou feels his own spine twinge. Turning to look at him, there’s such a deep-rooted outrage in Kageyama’s ocean blue eyes, Shouyou almost wants to take it back. 

Almost.

“Are you fucking serious?” Kageyama all but growls out, his voice dangerously low. 

Shouyou rolls his eyes, getting up to and tugging on his clothes. This evening has stretched out far longer than it should have.

Kageyama doesn’t say anything else while Shouyou gets dressed, sitting on the bed in steely silence. It’s only when Shouyou is halfway to the door that Kageyama speaks again, his voice colder than Shouyou has ever heard it. 

“I hate you.” 

The words are practically spat at him. 

It might have had an effect if it wasn’t all but Kageyama’s catchphrase. Shouyou doesn’t reply, choosing instead to dial a number he has memorized by heart. 

It goes through on the third ring. 

“Hey, Atsumu-san.” 

If Shouyou makes sure that Kageyama can hear him utter Atsumu’s name like a prayer, it’s no one’s business but his own. 

**Author's Note:**

> well, that's the fic :) 
> 
> I've been on my atsuhina brain rot for a while now and just like seeing kageyama suffer. my sadomasochistic tendencies somehow translate into my writing and i'm not sure how I feel about it. 
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading. constructive criticism is welcome, I'm still trying to figure myself out as a writer so your feedback helps. 
> 
> my twitter: [almnd_mlk](https://twitter.com/almnd_mlk)
> 
> message me and let's be friends :)
> 
> kay, bye.


End file.
